S6 Ep 3 - I Don’t Belong Here: A Haunting Ride through the Wild West, inspired by Cat Clyde’s “I Don’t Belong Here”
[00:00:12.580] - Adrienne
Hey there, listeners! Welcome to another episode of Rhapsody in Reverie: A Show where music and storytelling go hand in hand. I'm your host, Adrienne--
[00:00:24.610] - Katarina
And I'm your co-host, Katarina. Guys, we got a brand new episode for you today. We're really excited to share with you all.
[00:00:32.080] - Adrienne
Yeah!
[00:00:32.560] - Katarina
We are talking about the song "I Don't Belong Here" by Cat Clyde,
[00:00:39.010] - Adrienne
Woo!
[00:00:39.010] - Katarina
Woo-hoo! I first came across this song last year in a Turner Classic Movies ad for their Halloween lineup. I love-- listen, listen. I love Turner Classic Movies. I love TCM. It's my-- it's the only reason I still have cable. Honestly, that's it. That's the only reason why I care. And every year they do a month long thing for Halloween where they show classic horror movies. And of course, some people may have a different definition of what that is. Whatever, I'm getting away from myself. The point is, is that they do a montage commercial at the beginning of the month and they usually put a song into it and it gives you a whole great, spooky vibe. And last year's song that they chose was "I Don't Belong Here" by Cat Clyde. So now I think of Godzilla and classic movie Monsters, because Godzilla was the monster the month last year. And I think I think of spooky things, but like the fun, cool, spooky things, like, you know, like Dracula, Frankenstein, the Wolfman, all the good stuff. So that's where I first heard the song. And I basically had it on at least three or four different playlists on consistent repeat ever since. So I love this song. Thank you, Cat Clyde. It's a bop.
[00:01:44.620] - Adrienne
It is a bop, it is in fact a bop. And this story makes a lot of sense. But it's a song I know on my first listen, it felt very Katarina. Like it felt like a song... honestly, it felt like a song that you would cover, or write, or play. Like it--
[00:02:03.490] - Katarina
It's a fun song.
[00:02:05.020] - Adrienne
It's a fun song. And it definitely reminded me of you in that respect. I was like, yeah, just vibes. And I appreciate, to kind of just jump in, I appreciate hearing the backstory of how you found this song and the fact that it was used for like a Halloween thing, because I definitely also got spooky vibes from the song. I had like two images that kind of popped into my brain when I first heard this song. The first was, I think, less spooky. And it was basically like my brain, kind of went old Western in like a dusty bar, you know, like a dead cowboy, like.
[00:02:46.090] - Katarina
Yeah
[00:02:46.360] - Adrienne
A cowboy movie like that. That definitely it was kind of a first vibe.
[00:02:51.250] - Katarina
I love it. (in a bad Western voice) I'm the lone gunman.
[00:02:52.840] - Adrienne
Yeah.
[00:02:53.140] - Katarina
(in a bad Western voice) And I'm here to I can't do an old Western voice. I don't know what I'm doing here. I'm going to shoot all the coyotes and save your cows. I don't know.
[00:03:01.840] - Adrienne
You're doing good. I appreciate it. You're doing good. Yeah, that was my first vibe. And then immediately... Well, not immediately. Probably pretty quickly soon after that, my brain was just like... Ghosts.
[00:03:13.360] - Katarina
Yeah. Yeah. It's it's it's a very-- how best to describe the song? It's got a very folk indie feel. I think it leans more towards the folk aspect of that, where it's-- it's very much like a song that I could-- could see playing in a wagon train out West. I don't, like it is very much that kind of energy. So I think your old West Angle is actually pretty interesting. I hadn't thought about that. But now that I hear it, I'm like, yeah, that's like The Lone gunman. (in a bad western voice) The guy--" I walked into town--
[00:03:47.620] - Adrienne
The guy at the end of the bar, like he just strolls up.
[00:03:51.550] - Katarina
Yeah, I'm ready to fight Texas Red. I'm here. If Marty Robbins hadn't already written this song, this would be it! Step outside. Ba-Bam, that's it.
[00:04:00.550] - Adrienne
It also reminds me, well it reminds me of two things, now that I'm thinking about it. It kind of reminds me of Maeve from Westworld.
[00:04:07.540] - Katarina
Yes. Oh, my gosh.
[00:04:08.890] - Adrienne
Another reason why I was like "this is very Katarina" is because it also reminded me of Hadestown.
[00:04:16.180] - Katarina
Yes! Yes, actually, I agree. I agree! It feels, it feels very much in that musical tradition.
[00:04:24.340] - Adrienne
Yeah.
[00:04:24.790] - Katarina
So that said, I guess where what is-- what does the song inspire you to think about? What does it inspire you to want to write about?
[00:04:32.680] - Adrienne
It really does inspire me to want to write like a ghost story, like some sort of ghost. I do have to say, like when I was thinking about what type of story I would write with this, again initially I had that sort of smoky bar Western kind of vibe. So I was at first just thinking about, OK, well, could I write a story about, you know, somebody in a bar? And kind of where does that go? And then-- and then, like, my brain went to like a bar fight, and then my brain went to somebody dies in a bar fight and then comes back as a ghost.
[00:05:04.510] - Katarina
That's cool. I like the trend of Old West Ghost Story. I can get behind this.
[00:05:10.390] - Adrienne
It's interesting. I don't know if I necessarily thought about setting it in the old West? You know, like you could still like a modern version of that story.
[00:05:19.070] - Katarina
That's true. You could.
[00:05:20.070] - Adrienne
But the idea of doing like an old Western is kind of interesting.
[00:05:23.990]
Number one, it was so much easier to die in the old West versus now. Obviously, it's still very easy to die in current year. But... But it was a lot easier, ten times easier, I'm going to give a rough estimate, to die back then! Where I mean, you could just kill someone in a bar fight and that could just happen. You could just shank 'em with a bottle. It was more likely to happen. Let's just say it was more likely to happen. Wasn't actually more likely to get shot, because a lot of towns were like "surrender your guns or you can't come in." That was dumb. But anyway--
[00:05:57.140] - Adrienne
I mean, admittedly, probably a good idea.
[00:05:59.360] - Katarina
No, it wasn't, because the outlaws and the cattle wrangler people who stole people's cattle came in and shot them anyway.
[00:06:06.410] - Adrienne
Points.
[00:06:06.410] - Katarina
That was the problem.
[00:06:08.420] - Adrienne
Points were made.
[00:06:08.840] - Katarina
Anyway. But-- but like you theoretically could go "oh, it's high noon. It's time to-" you could shoot somebody in the street and it'd be fine. "Well, they had a problem with each other, that's OK." You could be gambling at a bar. "Are you calling me a cheater?" "Yes." Bam. And look at all the ways you can die. Now, if you call somebody a cheater at poker, you just get the casino guy to break their hands for you.
[00:06:28.970] - Adrienne
What!
[00:06:29.450] - Katarina
But they get to walk away. They don't get to die. You could die of dysentery! You could die from drinking bad water! You could die because you broke your leg and you're in the desert.
[00:06:40.860] - Adrienne
OK.
[00:06:42.150] - Katarina
I'm letting this get away from me.
[00:06:43.760] - Adrienne
There's many, many ways to die in the West.
[00:06:47.480] - Katarina
My point is, is that a ghost story in the old West makes sense. I feel like there's like lots of ghosts. There's a lot of opportunities for ghosts.
[00:06:53.990] - Adrienne
Yeah. I just think it would be interesting. You know, the song is called "I Don't Belong Here." And the chorus has this, you know, it repeats that phrase, "I don't belong here." And like, I like the idea of like a wandering ghost spirit who's reconciling with the fact that they just died and are now a ghost. Like this kind of off kilter "what's happening to me?"
[00:07:16.670] - Katarina
Yes!
[00:07:17.240] - Adrienne
That's kind of the vibe that entered my brain. But what about you?
[00:07:21.530] - Katarina
My initial thought also leaned towards monsters. For the life of me, I couldn't figure out why, but I kept thinking about this one show that used to be on the sci fi channel that I never watched. I would like to clarify that I never in my life actually sat down and watched this show. I think it was called "Haven". Maybe? I don't know. Anyway. I just remember the trailers for the show where this girl rolls into town and it's like things go wrong, and now she's got to figure it out because that's how every show is. And I just kept thinking about that, where like somebody rolls up into town on their motorcycle and has to deal with problems. But I didn't actually want to write that story because I was like, "how many people have already told this story?" And then I started thinking about this meme I saw on, I think it was Twitter? Maybe Twitter, where it was a mythology meme. And I was like, oh, good. And it was about this-- this creature from Viking mythology called a Draugr. I think I'm pronouncing that right. If not, I'm sure Odin will strike me down where I am. Anyway. Point is, that they were like these, these Revenant-esque creatures that like were kind of like zombies that came back from the dead because they had either buried wrong or wronged in life. And then they went to get revenge on whoever wronged them. And they just follow you until you died. I was like, oh, that's interesting. But then the more I wrote it, the more I was like, it doesn't feel like this either. Because, like, it wasn't clicking with me.
[00:08:41.210] - Adrienne
What I like about what you've just said... I like the idea of vengeance.
[00:08:45.740] - Katarina
That's fair. That was my thing because like, oh, what if vengeance is the thing? But like what I was planning on doing at the end was having the draugr catch up finally after like decades to the person, and the person's going, "wait a minute, who did I wrong?" And the guy's like, "I don't know. But I know you did." And like, the whole thing is like, "well, what did I do to you?" "You know, I can't actually remember." And they both just kind of sit there in silence and that's how it was going to end.
[00:09:08.120] - Adrienne
I love that ending, especially with this song, because there's something about the end of this song, that's very just like, like--
[00:09:14.570] - Katarina
It just cuts
[00:09:14.960] - Adrienne
--charges to the end and like, with the guitar and then it's just out. And that's kind of what your ending that you just talked about reminds me of. So it's a good ending, this idea of like a cut-off ending I think is a good one.
[00:09:26.630] - Katarina
But I think that you hit on something with the old West Ghost thing, only because this song feels so folk based. I think it kind of needs that... That setting.
[00:09:35.540] - Adrienne
It needs-- it definitely, I feel like it definitely, its home is in like a sort of like Western, old, like...
[00:09:45.540] - Katarina
Yeah.
[00:09:46.190] - Adrienne
Kind of rough and tumble kind of feel. The revenge thing I think is really interesting and this idea of like a pursuit...
[00:09:55.130] - Katarina
I agree.
[00:09:55.400] - Adrienne
Of some sort. And then also, the ghost thing, I think, I think we could marry those two things together.
[00:10:02.150] - Katarina
Agreed. What would a--We have a concept, a vague concept of old west ghost and revenge. So how do we-- what is a plot? What plot is born from this?
[00:10:12.120] - Adrienne
Not sure if this is a plot, but it could be interesting since we're both writing stories, if we each write from one of the, like, we have two characters. Maybe one's a ghost and one's not. And like, we each write from the perspective of one of those characters.
[00:10:30.230] - Katarina
Interesting
[00:10:31.080] - Adrienne
That could be kinda interesting. But that's not really a plot.
[00:10:34.170] - Katarina
It's not a plot. But, but it's a premise. And it's better than an idea, which is better than a vague concept.
[00:10:41.490] - Adrienne
The song is "I Don't Belong Here." And it's, like it's this perspective of a person that's like transient.
[00:10:48.420] - Katarina
Yes.
[00:10:49.080] - Adrienne
It's kind of you know, "I go where the wind takes me and I'm on my own." So maybe that's the perspective of one of our characters.
[00:11:00.580] - Katarina
I like that. That-- so I'm leaning, then, if the-- if we do that, my idea would be then that it's like an exorcist character who like, I don't know, he's the lone guy who has-- he can't ever stay in one spot. He has to keep going where he's needed.
[00:11:14.450] - Adrienne
OK, so we have a character. He's like a cowboy exorcist.
[00:11:18.520] - Katarina
Yes.
[00:11:19.750] - Adrienne
Ooh! What if there is like one ghost that he just can't either exorcise or shake or something?
[00:11:26.920] - Katarina
Yes!
[00:11:28.660] - Adrienne
But the question is like, why?
[00:11:31.780] - Katarina
Why wouldn't he? Maybe it's not really a ghost.
[00:11:34.390] - Adrienne
Or maybe it's just like, maybe-- maybe it's because it's somebody attached to him, like his life.
[00:11:40.360] - Katarina
That's true. Maybe it's the one he can't shake because he's too guilt ridden. Or maybe it's... He helps everyone, but he can't help himself kind of a thing. Or it's the devil. (laughing)
[00:11:53.140] - Adrienne
(laughing) "Or it's the devil." Oh Satan.
[00:11:58.840] - Katarina
There's a part of the song and I don't remember the full lyric, but I think it's in the, the last verse right before she ends it with that big chorus, there's a voice telling her she's got to go. And I'm like, oh, the paranoia. You can't rest because you got-- you can't stay in the one place you gotta leave.
[00:12:17.500] - Adrienne
Yeah. It's like she's like being driven away as opposed to choosing to leave and do whatever she wants. Like it's more of a like, a compulsive "I have to leave." Yo, what if he dabbled in the dark arts before becoming a cowboy exorcist?
[00:12:39.040] - Katarina
Yo, cowboy Constantine. But that's interesting. I like that, where like, before he was just like, let me just fuck around in the occult... In the old West. So would his dabbling in the occult result in him making a mistake and hurting somebody?
[00:12:53.330] - Adrienne
Yeah, he made some mistake, a terrible one, it ends up hurting someone or killing someone. And then that is what is following him.
[00:13:04.340] - Katarina
I like that.
[00:13:05.240] - Adrienne
I want, I really want the poltergeist, I think, to be like this vengeful woman. And then from the guy's perspective, it's just how many wrongs do I have to right--
[00:13:18.140] - Katarina
Before I-- before it's over, before I can stop?
[00:13:21.560] - Adrienne
Does true atonement, really exist?
[00:13:24.440] - Katarina
And like is, does it only stop when you're dead? That's the question.
[00:13:28.100] - Adrienne
Yeah.
[00:13:28.790] - Katarina
I like it. I think we've got, I think we've got our stories.
[00:13:31.970] - Adrienne
I think we did it.
[00:13:32.960] - Katarina
Yeah! High five.
[00:13:34.550] - Adrienne
Yeah.
[00:13:36.560] - Katarina
I love it. So you're Ghost, I'm Cowboy.
[00:13:39.140] - Adrienne
Stay tuned!
[00:13:39.860] - Katarina
Stay tuned.
[00:13:43.160] - Adrienne
All right, so it's story time.
[00:13:45.950] - Katarina
It is, it is. Cowboy exorcist, ghost revenge, is apparently a difficult theme for us. Who knew? (laughing)
[00:13:55.100] - Adrienne
All right. We're talking a lot about the stories, but I think it's time to read them.
[00:13:59.510] - Katarina
Yeah, it is. It is. And I think this time, you have to go first. Ha, ha.
[00:14:06.060] - Adrienne
That's fun. It'll be--
[00:14:09.000] - Katarina
(laughing)
[00:14:09.000] - Adrienne
No, it'll be interesting, me going first since I have the ghost's perspective, so...
[00:14:15.300] - Katarina
That's true. And you also have the shorter story because mine actually turned out to be five pages this time.
[00:14:19.890] - Adrienne
Oh, good. That's good. At least one of us should have a long story.
[00:14:25.680] - Katarina
But I think now... I want to hear it! I'm excited! Let's go. All right. Now it's time for. Cowboy Ghost Story... Number one.
[00:14:38.890] - Adrienne
All right, I'm not-- I'm not going to try and qualify anything, so I'm just going to get into it.
[00:14:44.890] - Katarina
Go for it. (hums a popular western gunfighter tune)
[00:14:46.090] - Adrienne
All right. So.
[00:14:52.960] - Story 1
No one should be surprised we ended up here - least of all me. No, I’m not surprised by my turn of fate. Momma warned me about this kind of thing. A woman’s got to be careful you know? Her fury scorches more than just the earth beneath her feet. It’ll burn bright blue and lap up damn near everything. Nothing will be left of you, she’d say. I can still hear her whisper it in the winds. Well, I sure proved her right - in life and in death.
I wish I could tell you I don’t enjoy these ghastly things I do, as I watch embers crash around me, hearing the screaming and wailing chaos outside mix in with the crackling flames lapping at wooden walls. I wish I could tell you that all this destruction I caused left a rotten taste in my mouth, or turned my stomach. But it doesn’t. After all, whatever corporeal mouth I once had has decomposed down to bone long ago. The truth is I am nothing but shadow and flame. All I do is consume everything in my wake, and haunt beneath the feet of Judah, the ranger that made me.
“Corrinna!” his gruff voice calls into the burning parlor and I savor the sound of him choking on the thick smoke of my handiwork.
“Judah, oh please help me!” her voice rings clear through the raging flames from the next room, and though strained and filled with fear, her bell-like voice is still just as airy and innocent as it was a few days ago when Little Miss Corrinna sought out the services of the shadowy ranger passing through town.
“I-I’ve heard you’re the man to trust with a problem of an otherworldly nature?” she had inquired after sheepishly approaching his table in the saloon. Her family home had acquired some sort of unfriendly visitor you see, and she didn’t know what else she could do. Poor little thing. Copper hair, helpless little doe eyes darting back and forth, lost in a world far too big for her. Looking at Miss Corrinna’s quivering chin, Judah just couldn’t resist trying to be the hero. He really should have known better by now than to agree to this kind of thing, but Judah’s never been as smart as he lets on. After all, playing the hero’s a dangerous gamble to make when I make such a good villain.
I watch Judah narrowly avoid a piece of roofing careening to the ground as he inches his way closer to Corrinna’s cries.
“Stay calm, I’m almost there,” he manages to get out, but the flames around him sear the back of his leg. His winces of pain are damn near intoxicating.
I reckon maybe there was a way of saving my soul once. But one makes the most peculiar of friends and acquaintances in the space between one life and the next. Strange specktors teeming with dark deeds and bad ideas. Not the type of company befitting the woman I once was, surely. But ain’t that the beauty of where I exist now? These terrible frightening deeds done in the dark don’t look so grim after years in such company.
Take that spirit haunting Miss Corrinna and her kin. A real piece of work, that one, though he - like most others I meet nowadays - lacked vision. Spooks and scares are quick thrills, but where’s the appetite for true terror? That is a long game. It takes patience. Which is why I let Judah chase that other spirit out of town and taste victory. I waited, peering on as Miss Corrinna and the rest of the townsfolk rejoiced and sang their praises for the courageous ranger who dared to take on the underworld. I waited, silently watering the tiny seeds of hope in his mind. The hope that this was it, this is the town that finally meant his salvation. The hope that little Miss Corrinna freed his soul from my torment. I toiled that soil in his mind for days until happiness began to sprout. Then I set fire to it, along with every home, saloon, and general store in this miserable little town.
And when Judah finally reaches the room where Miss Corrinna screams out to him, I watch his face grow stone-cold once more as my grand pyre crushes her body underneath the burning rooftop collapsing down in front of his very eyes. I study his desolate expression as he navigates his way out of the destruction. I drink in the tears of the survivors he passes by, and for a moment, I feel the closest I’ll ever get to feeling alive again. But as I watch him mount his horse, ride away from the mess he’s made and set up camp in the pitch-black night, I feel that fury Momma warned me about scorching the earth I float above. It’s not enough. It’s never enough.
“You’ll never stop” Judah’s eyes seem to say as he sits by his small campfire. I know he can feel me lingering there, I am the shadows in the trees, the snapping of twigs and leaves. No, I whisper into the wind as the campfire burns hot. I’ll never stop. And neither one of us dares to ask why.
[00:21:12.470] - Adrienne
Scene.
[00:21:12.920] - Katarina
Holy shit. Oh that was good. That felt so satisfying. Oh that was good. That was good flash fiction. I like that term we're using now.
[00:21:22.990] - Adrienne
Thank you.
[00:21:23.800] - Katarina
I like it.
[00:21:25.010] - Adrienne
It sounds fancy when really it's just I did not know how much further I could take it.
[00:21:31.250] - Katarina
But you know what, I really liked the theme of the scorched earth, about how like, what is it? "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." And here she is, wreaking literal hell on his life with fire! And I love that for her, you know?
[00:21:46.130] - Adrienne
Right?
[00:21:47.710] - Katarina
I think, I think that it ties into the song in a really interesting way, too. With "I Don't Belong Here" because like she's like desperate to create this chaos, but it isn't enough for her. I love that.
[00:22:01.240] - Adrienne
Yeah. You know, it's funny, and we'll probably get into this when we read your story. But, like, I know that you had talked about really wanting it to end with them at, like, just staring at each other at a campfire. So I had that image, like in my brain 'cause that's what you had, like, suggested. And so I guess I just kind of started ruminating on fire, and fire, and more fire. And then eventually I was just like, let's just set everything on fire for this entire story.
[00:22:35.590] - Katarina
And you know what? It worked. And I love that. The only way this could have been better is if our song was "Ring of Fire" by Johnny Cash. And you know what? It still fits the theme. It still fits! This was so good, I loved the, the atmosphere you created. I loved how she, like her anger really was all consuming. And it was so fun because she, uh... I don't-- I like that you kind of didn't get into, like, whether or not he really was like a terrible person or if he was like a bad person, a good person who did a bad thing. Like, you kind of leave it up for interpretation. And in a way, it doesn't matter because, like, you're just you're scared of her. You're like, oh, I don't know what I don't know what he did, but God damn!
[00:23:20.900] - Adrienne
Yeah!
[00:23:23.590] - Katarina
I like that though. I, I like the, the unknown factors. Like, wow. What could you have done to incur that? I mean, we know, but, yeah, I think that's great, that's really smart. It was a really smart decision to, to hint at things.
[00:23:43.090] - Adrienne
I think part of it, too, you know, since we are doing this kind of connected story, I wanted to keep it vague to kind of play with it, like make sure it plays well with yours. Like, I think it works better that way, at least in my mind. It works better that way. And, you know, I certainly, I have my, like I know who she is. I know what he's done. Yeah, but yeah, you're right. It's true. You really don't get the vibe from my story as to like, oh, does he deserve this pain and suffering? You really don't know.
[00:24:21.190] - Katarina
And you gave him extra angst which I like because like my story kind of hints at angst. But you gave him that extra angst of oh, he thought he was good and he could settle down, but nope, he could not, which is great because I like, insinuate it, but I don't explain it.
[00:24:37.420] - Adrienne
I mean, I feel like we should just get into reading yours too, and then we can talk about them as a whole unit together.
[00:24:45.930] - Katarina
My story is called Dust Devils.
[00:24:51.050] - Adrienne
Ooh.
[00:24:51.050] - Katarina
Couldn't--couldn't think of a better title honestly.
[00:24:54.080] - Adrienne
Hey, I am intrigued. The title Dust Devil has caught my attention. Admittedly, I already was excited so...
[00:25:01.320] - Katarina
That's fine. (laughing)
[00:25:04.510] - Story 2
The sun hadn’t risen quite risen yet over the canyon ridges, and the embers of the campfire still smoldered, but Judah could see the outline of the woman plain as day. Though, ‘outline’ was a strong word; she was fuzzy, like she could very well have blended in with an early morning fog if there’d been any in the desert, but the night had been clear and the smoke from the fire had long since dissipated. Judah didn’t raise his head, nor did he open his eyes any more than a crack; he’d long since learned that there was not much point in reacting to her, no matter what she did or said. The thing was to keep away from her, to stay a safe distance away so that she couldn’t get what was left of her hands on him. That would be trouble. But she never came too close, not when it was this close to the day.
He sighed, debated on whether it was worth it to catch a little more shut-eye, but ultimately decided that since the sun was on its way, so should he be.
“Mornin’,” he said to the shade, a touch of sadness in his voice mingled with the familiarity one saves for an old friend or neighbor. “Time to get moving, then?”
The shade, of course, said nothing. She was too far away for him to hear the soft groans, the mournful hisses, or the usual fuss he knew she was kicking up. But she was just close enough to throw a rock shaped like an arrowhead right at his cheek; it hit its mark.
“Your aim’s gettin’ better,” he said wryly as he gingerly touched the cut on his cheek, his conscience assuaged a tad by the pain. “Well, Lord knows you’ve had the time to practice...” He dodged as another pointed rock came flying at him, but he did not stop to say any more to her. There wasn’t any point; if she could hear him, and he wasn’t even sure of that much, he doubted that she cared to hear a word. He couldn’t blame her.
Saddling his horse and kicking dust over the remnants of his fire, Judah set off for the nearest signs of civilization.
--
The people of Hell, New Mexico had seen enough trouble in their time to be able to tell the good kind of visitors from the bad, and the man who rode into town on his jet black horse staring dead ahead as if not seeing anybody seemed to fall into the latter category. It was not their place to say so, however; they considered themselves good Christian folks who were above such things as getting mixed up the affairs of strangers, and besides they were full up with their own problems, their own damnable business. Better to give him the side-eye, pass him his liquor and take his money if he needed supplies, and send him on his way without a word. Keeping a limit on their physical interactions, however, did not mean that they were immune to gossip.
“I saw ‘im as he rode in, looks as if he hasn’t slept well in weeks,” said general store owner to the baker’s wife.
“Weeks? Hell, he’s got rings around his eyes so dark he might not have slept in months,” she hushed back.
“Quite hirsute, ain’t he?” giggled Mary-Catherine as she shopped for ribbons with her sister, picking up on the threads of conversation. “Hair almost halfway down his back, and that beard thicker than the brush around the farm!”
“Hush now,” Eliza said, “Stop your lying! He ain’t nearly as bad as that. But he’s certainly unkempt…best to keep away from him.”
“Do you think he’ll be around for the—?”
“Let’s hope he gets what he needs long before then,” Eliza said, grabbing her sister’s hand not a little unforcefully. “So he can be clear of here when it comes.”
The preacher stood wide-eyed on the porch of the store, watching the man and his black horse make their way to the saloon, come to a stop at the hitching post, and dismount. The man patted his horse with enough affection, to be sure, but the brief second he met his eye from across the dusty road sent the preacher’s spine shivering.
“That man…” he said aloud, though nobody else could hear, “is touched by evil. The sword of Damocles hangs over him ready to drop. That man has been touched by the devil.”
--
“Whiskey,” said Judah, pushing a silver dollar across the bar. He sat down as he ignored the stares from the few other patrons of the bar, mentally writing off their snickering as drunken folderol. The woman behind the bar eyed the silver dollar, then slowly raised her eyes to him. His spirit sunk as he realized he might not be acquiring any spirits of his own.
“Where’ve you been lately that whiskey costs a dollar?” she asked him.
“Here ‘n there,” he said, “I can pay if it’s more.”
“You bet your ass it’s more,” she muttered. “But your money’s no good here. We have a policy in Hell, no outsiders served from noon to three…you’d better get on your horse and out of town.” She turned away to clean a glass, but Judah’s interest was piqued.
“Hell?”
“Good a name as any,” she said, not looking at him. “And if you don’t like it, you can—”
“Clear out, you said,” Judah spoke softly as he looked around. His coat shifted, and the pistol he kept in his holster caught the light, the stakes and small glass jars that dangled from his belt clanged together.
“What kind of--?” she began, but Judah abruptly faced her once more and pulled his coat over the strange accoutrements.
“Why do I have to clear out?” He flashed a brazen and unconcerned smile. “I always seem to want to stay when I’m told to leave.”
“It…ain’t safe,” the bartender began, but Judah leaned forward, his eyes glinting with eagerness.
“I don’t tend to like safe towns,” he said. “No hope of anything happening in those.”
The woman pursed her lips and made to leave, but Judah grabbed her hand. She glanced at his hand and noticed that two of the fingers on his left hand were missing, and in their place were lines of white and angry scar tissue. He gave a smirk as she met his face; he knew what had been going through her head.
“I quite like the dangerous places, actually. So if you’d be good enough to tell me why you people are so scared of strangers being in your town for the greater part of an afternoon, I’d be mighty grateful.”
“How did you lose your fingers?”
“That’s impolite and a story for another time.”
“What the hell kind of gun is that you’re carrying? And those other things, what are you?”
Judah didn’t say, nor did he look away. He hadn’t intended to stumble onto another case quite so soon, figured he was due a break after all the hell from the Rougarou in New Orleans, but he wasn’t one to complain. One more job, a little less weighing on his conscience. Maybe he’d find the redemption he was looking for in Hell, after all. He let go of the bartender and put two more silver dollars on the counter.
“Tell me more about Hell,” he said. “I’ve got a good twenty minutes to spare, if my watch ain’t slow.”
She looked again at the money, and this time pocketed it with a sigh of her own. She poured him the glass of whiskey and unceremoniously sat it in front of him. “What do you know of dust devils?” she asked.
“I grew up on a farm in a place like this,” Judah said. “I know about ‘em well enough.”
“Good,” she said, “because I hate explaining the basics…not far from here, about forty, fifty miles maybe, there’s a cave system. Carlsbad or something like it. Heard of that?”
“No.”
“There’s…there’s some that say there’s a ladder there. A ladder to…well, a place reminiscent of this one, I suppose. I’ve been to see it myself, more like a few gashes in a stone wall, but I’d be lying if you didn’t get the sense that they do lead to…something. I was never bold enough to climb down. What I’m saying, stranger, is that somebody did.”
Judah took a sip of his whiskey. “How do you know this?”
“You put things together when your town goes from normal to…well, I suppose anything can be normal if you live through it long enough. There was an incident a while back, old story that’s been told a thousand times in a thousand towns. Married man takes a mistress. Wife doesn’t take too kindly to it, married man breaks it off, mistress pays the price…though whether it was the wife, the mistress, or the man who climbed down that hole, I couldn’t say. We don’t know who and we don’t know why, though we got ourselves a pretty good idea, but somebody couldn’t quite let sleeping dogs lie.”
At that, Judah stiffened. The cold was returning to him; he could feel the shade, not far off. Perhaps only twenty miles outside of town. She shouldn’t be able to catch up with him so quickly, not in the daylight, but maybe it was all this talk about raising hell…and everything else. How much time would he have here, in Hell? Two days? Maybe the one? The afternoon? She can sense it, he thought. The guilt. The shame. The pain of this place mirrors her own. “What does this have to do with dust storms?” he asked, though in his heart he had a feeling he already knew.
“I called them dust devils for a reason…I know that it’s usually just a name, but in this case—”
“In this case, someone decided to summon a couple of Rabisus and let them loose in Hell. I’m sure they love the irony.” The look the bartender gave him made him laugh and take another sip of whiskey. “Sand demons, ma’am. That’s all. Dust Devils. Little bastards that aren’t harmless but aren’t impossible to deal with…if you stay out of reach. How many people have you lost?”
“Ten…” she said, her voice trailing off, unsure. Judah could imagine her thoughts; what does this bastard think he can do about sand demons? Or how does he know so much, exactly? What’s he think he’s doing here? But all he said was,
“Well then,” and threw back the last bit of the whiskey. It burned on the way down. “I’d better get to work. But uh, just in case,” he said as he stood and looked about the room. Everyone had retired to individual rooms with better protection than the swinging doors of the saloon could provide. “Stay away from the windows.”
The woman glared at him. “We know what we’re doing here, mister,” she sneered, and disappeared into the back room before Judah could say another word.
--
The dust devils were just riding into town by the time Judah had settled the salt circles and traced the incantations in the sand, wild twisters that moved with intent, trailing a path in the sand they’d blazed through every day for years. He could make out their pointed, angular and diminutive bodies, their sharp teeth and bright eyes through the dust and wind they whipped around them. Their laugh was grainy, their cries chilling, but Judah smiled. This would be easier than he expected, as they were whipping and riding their twisters right into his trap. They’d be dust themselves in about fifteen minutes, oblivious to anything except the destruction they dreamed of causing. All he had to do was stand there, say the right words, and poof! Another town saved, another place to kick the dust from his boots to move on, ever moving on, in search of the one thing that would finally balance the cosmic scales, that would make it enough. Maybe this one, he thought. It’s all too close to home, it has to mean--
One minute he was there, sure of himself and his grasp on the situation, and the next, a large wooden rocking chair came crashing right into his drawings in the sand, destroying the seal. He didn’t think, he stepped outside the circle of salt to run to fix the sand trap, only to be flung to the ground, claws ripping at his shoulder. He looked up to find not the dust devils baring down on him, but her, the poltergeist, his shadow. Her large black eyes that were blacker than the void bored hatefully into him, her pale skin and blurry outline gaining definition by the minute. Hate radiated from her, which hurt much more than the physical damage she was doing to him. “Not now!” he screamed, though of course that was useless; she was beyond him. Her revenge was all-consuming, and her revenge seemed close at hand.
The dust devils were close, too close for comfort, and the outer bands of their twisters were starting to pour into his lungs. It was cutting him up inside, though the burn from her touch hurt worse. She grinned at him, with a mouth that once held so much sweetness for him, now brimming with malice. It would be easy to give in, to let her take him, but self-preservation is a funny animal, stronger than guilt. He shoved the regret deep down. He forced his hand to his gun belt and whipped out a vial of holy water that he kept next to the gun and flung it in her face. Instantly she was gone, though he knew from experience that she was not done with him. She’d be back in an hour or so, would have reformed and found him by then, but he couldn’t think about that now. He dashed to the place in the sand where he swiftly drew once more the traps he needed, but the dust devils were on him now, chattering and grinding their teeth, a maddening sound. He was having trouble breathing, was pinned down now, his back was against the wall. He smiled.
“Now when I tell you ‘Go to Hell and stay there,’” he coughed, whipping out his silver pistol with the carved handle that the bartender had admired, engraved in sigils he’d designed himself long ago, when he was young enough to think he could play with magic. “I mean for you to go to the one with all the fire and brimstone, alright?” They shrieked as the bullets knocked them back, into the traps, sealing them into the ground and pulling them under. The twisters died out as the dust devils’ last shrieks sent ripples in the dirt, and Judah coughed, then breathed in deep the fresh air, and drank up the rays of the midday sun as if it had never even left.
--
It was night once more, and the campfire was blazing. She had not caught up with him again, nor did Judah’s soul feel any lighter than it had been before the day began, but he could live with that. For now, at least, he could live with that. The bartender had thanked him with a bottle of whiskey, real whiskey, not the cheap stuff worth three dollars a glass. She’d even asked him to stay the night, not out of any misplaced affection, simply because she’d never seen a man thrown on his back so often look so damn eager to keep being tossed about. In his heart, he ached for this almost normalcy, but he knew that to give in to any kind of intimacy would draw her straight for him, and a death sentence for the bartender. He politely refused, without divulging any of that.
Now, propped up against the body of his sleeping horse, the night sky above and the campfire before him, Judah began to let himself relax. The muscles in his body ached and they would ache more tomorrow, he knew. And they would hurt the next day. And the day after that. All until he could find that one good deed, that one thing that could make up for what he’d done, that thing that could cleanse the slate—
She floated, just on the other side of the campfire, not moving. She made the slightest of sounds in what had once been a throat, a kind of raspy gurgling that had once frightened him but no longer. He opened one eye and stared at her, gazing into her dark, lifeless eyes. She would not come for him tonight. The salt ring he’d poured around him and his horse would see to that, and come the morning she’d be distracted by the sun, and he’d have a chance at a decent head start. He stared at her and massaged the place where two fingers used to be and bemoaned the fact that most of the good in those memories was long forgotten. Only the guilt remained. When he looked at her, that phantasm, the empty husk of the woman he had loved and wronged, had cursed with his own selfishness, he could not even remember the sound of her voice.
“Goodnight, Darlin,’” he murmured, and pulled his hat over his eyes, and went to sleep.
[00:41:59.540] - Katarina
The end!
[00:42:01.580] - Adrienne
Yay! That was dope! No, I liked that a lot.
[00:42:04.490] - Katarina
Thank you!
[00:42:04.490] - Adrienne
What I like about your story and this whole thing is that I got the personality of Judah. It reminds me of something, but I don't know what it reminds me of. But it's this very sort of-- you know, I picture? I picture Matthew McConaughey.
[00:42:21.230] - Katarina
All right. All right, all right.
[00:42:23.760] - Adrienne
But like a really kind of like loose, but also like serious... You know? Like a good mix between the two. I like Judah.
[00:42:33.380] - Katarina
Yay!
[00:42:34.160] - Adrienne
Which is-- it's nice to like him.
[00:42:36.470] - Katarina
Yeah.
[00:42:36.710] - Adrienne
Because I had to write a story where I hated him, but--
[00:42:40.250] - Katarina
Yeah that was the thing! I was like, do I make him redeemable or do I make him a flat out asshole? Like all things considered, like him having damned her by accident... Or was it an accident? I don't know. I wanted to be like he's trying his best. Like he fucked up, but he's trying his best.
[00:42:56.510] - Adrienne
Yeah, I think you certainly did that. And like, what I like about your story is that it feels like a much, like, an older and mature like, Judah. And so, like, it's like he's had years and years to really work through this guilt and it's still there, of course, but like he's he's lived with it for so long that he's able to, like, find a sense of, like, equilibrium within himself. Like at the end of your story, like I think that really, like hinted at it where he was just... There-- there's like a specific line you mentioned that, like, really brought it out where it's just like he's not going to worry about it, like for a moment he's just going to deal, and accept. Like the campfire scene, I think is a really good illustration of, like, how far he has come in his journey at the end. So I like that a lot. I feel like your story takes place after the event of my story.
[00:43:55.740] - Katarina
Oh, yeah, for sure. Because I feel like he, he had learned his lesson of "I can't be happy".
[00:44:02.740] - Adrienne
Yeah. Yeah.
[00:44:04.500] - Katarina
Whereas your version of him was trying and like was lulled into that false sense of security and he was like, "never mind, I can't have that."
[00:44:14.910] - Adrienne
I think if you look at it that way, it's almost like my story was the kind of like final realization that he'll never have anything happy again because of her. And then yours is like, well, what is that like him continuing?
[00:44:30.130] - Katarina
What does that mean? Because like, at this point, he's like, OK, maybe I'll never be happy, but maybe when I die, I'll go to heaven.
[00:44:36.110] - Adrienne
Yeah. (laughing)
[00:44:38.010] - Katarina
(laughing) That's all I want.
[00:44:39.840] - Adrienne
Maybe somebody will forgive me.
[00:44:41.850] - Katarina
I think my thing was like all I really saw was the campfire part. And I was like, I need to emphasize that he's trying his best. And also, there really is a thing in Carlsbad Caverns, New Mexico, with a ladder to hell. I know, because that was my four am Google find. I was like, I'm stealing this. I'm going to use that. I'm happy for Carlsbad for having a letter-- a ladder straight to hell. That's cool. Do you guys go? Tell us, New Mexico audience, what do you do? Hell, New Mexico does not exist. I Googled it. I was anxious then. I was like, please don't let me use a real town. There are actual places in America named Hell though, which is great.
[00:45:20.010] - Adrienne
Yeah, I think I've heard of one. I just forgot what state it's in. Imagine being from Hell.
[00:45:27.180] - Katarina
"Where are you from?" "Oh hell." "Yeah. You look it." Imagine! I think our stories actually complement each other very well. We did it.
[00:45:37.440] - Adrienne
Yeah. I think this worked out really well. Now there admittedly is a little part of me that's like, yo, I should have wrote-- like I have more ideas and that's...
[00:45:49.030] - Katarina
We can, we can check back in with Judah and his-- and his poltergeist. Perhaps with another song? Perhaps another-- maybe...Maybe when we finally get to Deep Blue Love, we can do that. I feel like that could be one that would work.
[00:45:59.780] - Adrienne
Maybe... Maybe. Perhaps.
[00:46:02.680] - Katarina
We pick like a country song, where we're like yes, this is it. I think with that beloved audience... (in a bad western accent) Take-- take care now.
[00:46:11.250] - Adrienne
What the hell was that?
[00:46:13.340] - Katarina
My... My best attempt at more Southern accents. I can't keep this up.
[00:46:19.130] - Adrienne
You know what? I like it. I do. I genuinely do. All right. Well, since it is now the end of the episode, we don't have much left to do, but say thank you for listening! Give us a follow on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram. We are @Rhapsodypodcast on Twitter and Instagram, and we are @RhapsodyinReveriepodcast on Facebook. So hit us up.
[00:46:48.650] - Katarina
But hey, you know what else you guys can do? Dear listeners? You could become a patron of our Patreon! Because I don't know if you know this, we upload these episodes uncut with video. You could watch this very strange, unedited video on our Patreon, where you get our reactions as well. Because as you listeners know, the episode has edited, spruced up, cool sound effects ,really well edited by our own Adrienne Beckham.
[00:47:20.870] - Adrienne
So if you want to be a patron, join our Patreon, get cool bonus content at Patreon.com/Rhapsodypodcast.
[00:47:33.260] - Katarina
The link will be description, click it.
[00:47:35.330] - Adrienne
Please don't quote me on whatever the link is. Just go to the description shown. All right.
[00:47:41.690] - Katarina
Please subscribe to us on iTunes, Stitchr, Podbean, Spotify, whatever Google's podcast app of the month is, I don't care anymore.
[00:47:51.980] - Adrienne
Do all the things!
[00:47:52.310] - Katarina
Leave us, leave us a review. Like us. Love us. We would appreciate it. Check our website for announcements, we are at RhapsodyinReverie.com, because we post things there. We actually have just started doing episode transcripts! So check those out. You get to read what we're saying, in case you can't understand us. I know I talk quickly. That's OK.
[00:48:16.930] - Adrienne
It be like that sometimes.
[00:48:19.270] - Katarina
It be that way. So feel free to check those out, and stay tuned for future announcements. (in a bad western accent) So now there's nothing left for us to do but--
[00:48:30.380] - Adrienne
Yeah.
[00:48:30.380] - Katarina
To-- to mosey on out of here and get along little doggy. Right? That's... Western.
[00:48:38.410] - Adrienne
Sure.
[00:48:40.360] - Katarina
"I ain't gonna quit you."
[00:48:42.730] - Adrienne
Are you trying to do Brokeback Mountain right now?
[00:48:45.610] - Katarina
I've never I've never seen it. And believe it or not, in my head, I was like, I have to the Shane reference, you know? "Shane! Come back, Shane!" But I didn't do that.
[00:48:56.540] - Adrienne
"I can't quite quit you." That's it.
[00:49:01.238] - Katarina
Is that what it says?
[00:49:01.708] - Adrienne
Yeah, something like that. I actually haven't seen Brokeback Mountain.
[00:49:03.650] - Katarina
I need to watch more Westerns. That's what this means.
[00:49:05.720] - Adrienne
Yeah, because apparently, the only one we can reference isn't a western at all.
[00:49:12.030] - Katarina
It's not?
[00:49:12.620] - Adrienne
No! I mean, I guess, like-- no!
[00:49:16.700] - Katarina
I thought it was a Western.
[00:49:18.110] - Adrienne
It's too-- I mean, it's not a Western in, like, it's not set back in like the 1800s!
[00:49:24.800] - Katarina
But it takes place, but it takes place in the west. It's a western! (laughing) La La Land is a Western.
[00:49:31.040] - Adrienne
Anyway, goodbye, listeners.